I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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