There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize