my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
