He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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