Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
