well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
