omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize