She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
