Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
