Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize