I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
