I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
