Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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