Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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