Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
