I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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