Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
