i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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