Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
