You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
