I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
