Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
