my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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