Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
