Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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