I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize