OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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