how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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