Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
