he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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