we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
