You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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