He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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