we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
