just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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