I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's rum buckets o'clock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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