Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
