How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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