how can u be prego again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
