3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
