so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
