Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
