tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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