i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
