It's like God shit irony all over that family
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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