And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need to calm my uterus...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
