Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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