she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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