just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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