I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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