My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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