she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
