sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
