Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
