can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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