textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
