i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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