I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
