I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
