I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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