Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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