Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
