I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
