Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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