whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
