Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize